Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
