I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
