no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
