When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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