If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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