What did we do last night that was yellow?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize