He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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