Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
