I think I won the penis lottery.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
