It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
