What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Drake has all the answers
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
