So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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