SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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