Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We left the knife in your bed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
