the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
