I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
