I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
