So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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