my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
