If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
