Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
