Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
oh god the rape fog is back!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
