Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
