Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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