You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
