so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
