he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
