If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
