she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
