Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
