it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
