he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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