you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
