my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
