Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
