I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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