why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
