There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i think i have two assholes
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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