Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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