i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
