Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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