im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
