The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
