I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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