How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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