I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
