So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
