Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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