dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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