I'm jealous of your bromance
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
